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Monday, June 29, 2009

Bring on the Hate Mail!

I'm going to come right out and say it: Michael Jackson's death is no great loss. I'm actually surprised he didn't kill himself years ago. Now, before you get your Underoos and sequined gloves all in a twist, I'll explain my position.
First of all, he's a fucking pedophile, or more specifically, a pederast. Yeah, yeah, he was never convicted blah blah blah....what the fuck ever. That's just a prime example of our "justice" system being the best money can buy. Why else would he flee the country that loves him so much? Oh, that's right, to escape any further prosecution, if someone decided they needed more Hush Money. Only the Catholic Church spent more money in that area than he did, but let's be honest, they had quite a few more people to hush than he did, not to mention all those moving vans, more PR people, and all those out of work Fantasy writers who did their press releases, I'm sure it was a logistic nightmare.
Second, he was a complete fucking whacko. I'm not talking about the one glove or all the plastic surgeries (although that is a fucking horror show in its own right), or not wanting to grow up. No, I'm talking about the guy who slept in a hyperbaric chamber, bought the Elephant Man's skeleton to display at his house, dangled his newborn over a balcony, and the list just goes on and on. I think he single-handedly kept the Enquirer & other rag mags in business during the 80s and 90s. Don't believe me? Do a search for the "art" from Neverland, it's fucking disturbing.
Third, his legacy is a mountain of debt. He may have been called the King of Pop, but could have been King of Paupers. Some estimates give a figure near $400 MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS!
What the fuck? He's worse with money than Mike Tyson?

Here's how I'll always remember Whacko Jacko: holding someone's cock.

Then there were things he did that really made him look pretty much like a dick. He outbid Sir Paul McCartney for a catalog of Beatles songs, when anyone with any kind of class wouldn't even have considered bidding, period. I mean, McCartney wrote or co-wrote those songs, not to mention recorded them. Then he got a chance to shake hands with President Reagan, who I thought was also a huge prick. And when he shakes Reagan's hand, he left his stupid glove on. Talk about buying into your own hype! The only Americans that should leave their gloves on when shaking hands with the president are Servicemen in dress uniforms.
He's just another tragic figure in a long line of musical trainwrecks, but the way people seem to be carrying on, you'd think he was on a par with Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, or John Lennon. He's not. Not even close. Too many equate record sales with talent, and it's just not so. He was a decent singer that MTV, adolescent girls and good timing turned into a superstar, whatever that is any more.
Just another kid that got turned out on the airwaves of corporate whoredom. Like I said, no great loss.

Well, bring on the hate mail, with your pathetic bleating that will most assuredly fall on deaf ears.


Neece said...

My hate mail is only because I hated jacko, not what you said.

You articulated exactly what I've been saying since his "tragic" death.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Jenny Lutes said...

Dear Uncle Butchy,
I think I love you. You hit the MJ nail on the head. This is not going to be hate mail. You did omit one very important detail about the little perverts legacy. How could you possibly fail to mention his greatest gift to mankind. No, I am not referring to his purchased children or his hiccup style of singing. I am referring, of course to the moonwalk dance. I mean, where would we be today as a society if he had not invented the moonwalk? Uncle Butchy, did you switch to decaf or what? It is not like you to miss such an important detail.

Uncle Butch said...

Sorry Jenny, I feel just horrible about leaving out such a landmark contribution towards the betterment of Mankind, promise...

Jenny Lutes said...

Dear Uncle Butchy,
I feel the need to apologize for my earlier comment. I just found out this morning, through our local paper (Monterey County Herald, letters to the editor) that Wacko was NOT the inventor of the moonwalk dance! Turns out, he ripped it off from Curly Joe of the 3 Stooges! Yes, as hard as it is to believe, he just turned the Curly shuffle into the moonwalk. I feel so jaded now. My humble apologies.

Uncle Butch said...

Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to? You give me something I can hold on to.